deep_red_bells: ([Expressive] Sulking)
Irina has an ear infection.

Babies (SHUT UP I CAN STILL CALL HER A BABY EVEN THOUGH SHE'S A YEAR OLD NOW) with ear infections scream. Loudly. LOUDLY.

I think I've forgotten what sleep is.

And I'm running out of soothing songs to sing.
deep_red_bells: ([Expressive] Mommy & bb)
She always smells so good and so sweet, and part of her wonders if it's just as much the purity and innocence that causes it as the array of Johnson & Johnson products they bathe, rub and dust her in every day.
deep_red_bells: ([Emote] Oh for Christ's sake)
I apologize in advance for the TMI.

BUT DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, MY BOOBS HURT SO BAD.
deep_red_bells: ([Emote] Happy girl)
She got here last night at 11:28. She weighs six pounds and one ounce, and she's 18 and a half inches long. And she's very red and splotchy and wrinkly. She got my hair, poor thing. Her head's all funny shaped. She's the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen.

I know I should sleep more, but I just can't.

And happy birthday, Mollywog. I had Annie go get your presents from our house and bring them here so I could give them to you.
deep_red_bells: ([Expressive] Mommy & bb)


“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” --Rajneesh



It didn't seem right, to have been confined to a bed for eighteen hours and yet feel as though she'd not only run a marathon but met a troop of UFC champs at the finish line who'd knocked her down proceeded to beat her with sticks. She'd sustained a lot of injuries since she'd been called as a Slayer, and thought she knew what pain was and what her limits concerning it were. After hours of hard labor without a drop of pain medication, she discovered she'd grossly underestimated what she was capable of getting through.

It hadn't been easy. She'd yelled. She'd cried as Julian combed his fingers through her hair or dabbed the sweat from her face and neck or rubbed her back, anything to try and soothe her. She'd sworn rapidly in Spanish, used every filthy and angry curse she knew and invented a few creative and colorful phrasings of her own--probably not fit behavior for a new mother, but she'd worry about censorship once she got through the labor. She'd lost count of the number of times she'd clutched Claire's hand hard enough to fracture the bones, despite the conscious effort she made to keep her strength in check. She'd been at the point where she didn't think she could do it anymore, that she didn't have it in her to ride through another contraction, before the pushing had even started. She must have even said it out loud, because everyone around her had begun the mantra of you can do this, Bee, you can do this. They didn't add that she really didn't have much choice, kindly, but she was more than aware of that fact all the same.

For months she'd counted every little kick and stretch and shift and movement of the little person growing in her belly. They'd listened to her heartbeat at every appointment, talked to her, named her, read her fairy tales and nursery rhymes, played Mozart and Beethoven for her. She'd thought they were already completely in love with her, but she realized how wrong she'd been when she heard the first beautiful, gasping cry of her daughter in a suddenly still and small room. It was terrifying, and joyful, and just like that, all of her uncertainty was gone. They took her away, and all Baileigh could think was No, she's crying, what are you doing, you can't take her away, you have to give her to me.

It was a little startling, the way the pieces fell into place, when they finally got her cleaned up, weighed, measured and thoroughly checked, and Cain carried the swaddled and now somewhat calmed newborn and settled her into Baileigh's arms. She was so small, she could barely feel the weight of her at all, but one look into those tiny, watery eyes, eyes the very distinctive shade of deep blue that belonged only to babies and kittens, and she thought Oh, well...of course, it all makes sense now. And if the world had shifted before, it was nothing compared to the way it moved now. The world didn't just revolve around little Irina Lazarey, the entire universe did, and woe betide anyone that tried to say differently.

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Baileigh Solis

December 2010

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