[Emails] Sent to girl_ofsecrets, <lj site="livejournal.com" user=

[deep_red_bells]

Claire,

Need to ask you something, kiddo.

--B




Annie,

Just letting you know you're my maid of honor, bitch. I'm not asking I'm telling. NO OPTION! NO SOUP FOR YOU! MASTER CHIEF SAY SO!

--B



Hank,

I know it's been a rough time lately, but you're still gonna be a bridesmaid in my wedding...right? I promise no ugly colors or abominations of shoes.

--B

Comments

Re: insane demands from bridezilla-in-training

[morsus-mihi.livejournal.com]

Dear Chosen One,

I WANT A SHINY HAT FOR THE WEDDING. Like a crown. CROWN ME, BITCH.

I'm rethinking the name change now. I want a double last name. Beth Ann Woodman-Callahan.

...nah. Too pretentious to even be funny.

Love and kisses,
Zaphod Mrs. Andrew Callahan, Medical Superprivate FIRST CLASS

Re: insane demands from bridezilla-in-training

[deep-red-bells.livejournal.com]

Dear Master Tang,

You can has a tiara comb. A small one. Just cause you're the maid of honor. But steal my tiara and veil thunder and I CUT YOU! I KEEL JOO! KEEEEEEEEEL JOOOOOOOOO!!

Dude, how weird does Baileigh Lazerey sound? Or Baileigh Sark for that matter. But I don't EVEN care, I wanna be a Mrs! And I won't have to change any of my monogrammed stuff! Or I wouldn't if I had any. Which I don't. BUY ME SOME MONOGRAMMED STUFF!!

Love and fuzzy socks,

Chosimba (This is CEE EEEN EEEEN...)

Re: insane demands from bridezilla-in-training

[morsus-mihi.livejournal.com]

Dear Chosen Church,

You couldn't cut me with a machete, wench. MAI COMB WILL KICK YOUR VEIL'S VEILY ASS, K?

Baileigh Sark, please...Baileigh Lazarey is too close to rhyming. :S I'M BUYING YOU GUYS MONOGRAMMED MATCHING POLO SHIRTS, AND IF YOU DON'T WEAR THEM IN FRONT OF ME AT LEAST ONCE I WILL KEEL YOUR HUBBY. YOU HEARD ME.

Love and dimpled butts (Drew has an ADORABLE one),
Evil Tucker (WhhhheeeeeOOOOOH!!!!!)

Re: insane demands from bridezilla-in-training

[deep-red-bells.livejournal.com]

Dear Evil Betty Turcker Super Medical Private FIRSTCLASSZOMG,

Will not, beotch! It's MY DAY!

Lazarey legally, Sark in conversation, probably. Did I mention how fucking cool it is that I get to have an alias? XD

Love and gopher chucks,
Chosen Church of the Tonguey

Re: insane demands from bridezilla-in-training

[morsus-mihi.livejournal.com]

YOU FORGOT TO CALL ME LING, YOU WHORE! I MADE THE NOISE AND EVERYTHING!!! BRAN MUFFINS FOR YOU!!!,

It's my day, too. Why? I'm so responsible for you two hooking up. How? Because I made you cool enough to get noticed by Hotty McSuave, that's how.

My married name pwns your married name. I HAVE SPOKEN.

Love and SAKEEEEEEEEEEEE,
Evil Tucker Super Medical Private LING YOU WHORE!!!!