Feb. 6th, 2009
It isn't as though I've never taken breaks. I have. Just to see how long I could go without feeling that itch, that need to go out and hunt. This is just the first time I've ever actually tried to quit.
I used to think of it as a compulsion. That the Powers...or I guess, the Shadow Men...they made us this way. Hank says it's like an addiction. It's not so much fighting a compulsion as kicking a drug habit. Having never had one, I couldn't really say for certain, but I'm betting she's at least half right.
Okay, not betting, that's a lie. I'm hoping like hell she's right. Because that means I have half a chance of beating it back instead of having to fight with it my whole life.
You know what the funny thing is? You would think it would be worse at night. You know, the moment the sun goes down is when you would think it would kick in. Honestly? It doesn't get bad until around three, four in the morning. I don't know why. Julian's usually asleep, and I'm not, not because I don't want to be but because sometimes I just can't sleep. I don't need it. But the house is quiet, and I've run out of things to do and think about and reading doesn't help and there's only so many things you can find to do with your hands.
It's only for a couple of hours. Then the daylight comes and the itch goes away.
I'm not worried. Well, I'm not...terribly worried. Withdrawals aren't supposed to be easy, right? And I've been a Slayer for a while.
I just have to remember that I'm more.
From Anna.
Feb. 6th, 2009 07:10 pm
Your result for The Elemental Beauty Test...
Alluring Beauty
50% Fire, 0% Earth, 8% Air, and 42% Water