deep_red_bells: ([Expressive] Slight smile)

I got my first baby related gift today, courtesy of Tommy. Don't worry, Tommy, it will be worn. And that sketch was amazingly cool. Thank you so much.

I'm...tired, today. And not really myself. So, going to bed. Maybe I'll read a bit or something.
deep_red_bells: ([Emote] Lost)

after this and this and this


They keep saying names like she should recognize them. And she probably should. Tommy and Carbone Karras. Cain and Henrietta Callahan. Julian Sark. People they tell her she knows, loves, cares deeply for, people that they tell her love her very much in return.

But they’re just names to her. Just names.

That’s a beautiful ring, sweetheart.

She blinks up at the kind-faced woman who steered her to the kitchen earlier and insisted that she eat. “…What?”

The woman--the mother of the man that found her in the street--she smiles, and wipes her hand on a dishtowel, reaches down to take her left hand lightly in her right, turning it this way and that to make the stone sparkle. It startles her, a little; she didn’t notice it there before. She’s…never seen it, before. “Oh,” she remarks quietly, tugging her hand back and folding her arms, suddenly uncomfortable. “It is…pretty.”

The woman makes a soft noise…sympathy, perhaps. She turns back to the stove and silence descends for a time…uneasy at first, but as the pleasant scents of food cooking fill the tiny room, the tension eases. Now that its presence has been pointed out to her, she can’t leave the piece of jewelry alone, constantly turning it on her finger, touching the stone with her fingertips. She wonders if someone gave it to her, and who, and when, and why she didn’t notice it before.

She’s afraid. If just one thing, just one thing would look or sound familiar, she’s so sure the rest would come back to her. There are people that know her, that care about her, but they‘re all gone from her mind. What happened to her?

“It’s all right, sweetheart.” Baileigh jumps a little, startled out of her thoughts as the round-faced woman sets a plate in front of her. “You’re safe with us.”

And she wants so badly to believe it. To feel safe, cared for. To feel anything but lost and confused and frightened.

She wants to. But she can’t.

“That’s all right, too,” she could swear she hears the lady murmur, almost sadly, as she sweeps across the kitchen to begin preparing even more food.
deep_red_bells: ([Emote] Sad)

I grieve for you
You leave me
so hard to move on
Still loving whats gone
They say life carries on
Carries on and on and on and on


============================

She had imagined the first time that she held May, Zee would be sitting across from her, grinning and glowing and thoroughly exhausted and happy to be that way. That she would gush over how beautiful she was and how wonderful Zee looked, and she would insist on taking her shopping and would proceed to spoil both mother and baby rotten, as much as one can spoil a newborn with adorable tiny clothing they won't even really be aware that they're wearing. Tommy would be beaming like a proud papa. They'd be so happy, the three of them, mother, father, and baby, a perfect picture, and she would be overjoyed for them.

Nothing ever happens how it should.

It isn't fair. It isn't fair that Tommy's face is shadowed with the grief he's fighting so hard to keep control of, because he has to be strong, for May. He should be allowed to grieve. No, to hell with that, he shouldn't have to. In a fair and just universe, he should never have to suffer like this. May should never have to grow up never knowing and bearing witness to the force of nature that is her mother...that was her mother. And oh, how that hurts. To use the past tense, was, not is, she will never be able to say is in connection to Ziyah again. How hard it is to realize that brilliant burst of technicolor life is snuffed out, is gone. Gone.

But hey...who said the universe was fair? No, it thinks nothing of taking a knife to the tapestry of a newborn baby's life, leaving those left behind struggling to stitch it back up into something beautiful, something close to what it deserves.

She's so tiny. Premature, of course, and Baileigh is strong and feels no weight at all. She cradles her carefully in her arms, stares down at her with as much awe as sadness. Zee is all over her, stamped clearly in those tiny, ruddy features. Her little fingers twitch as Baileigh's hair tickles them, then flex as though trying to grip and test this new texture. She wonders if May's realized yet that her mother's voice and scent and arms are absent, or if it truly will be years before she feels the sting of her loss. She hopes, with an intensity that surprises her, that it won't be hard for her. Let her have a good life, she thinks. Let her be happy.

As if on cue, May stirs, tiny face pinching, chin trembling as she begins to fuss. It's soft, only a whimper, not a cry, but it still cuts. "I know, baby," she whispers, shifting the tiny little body in her arms to her shoulder then swaying her weight from foot to foot, rocking her in her arms to calm her. "I know."


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deep_red_bells: (Default)
Baileigh Solis

December 2010

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